Something I often get asked is, "How do you keep going with all you've been through"?  My answer is that you have a choice.  The choice is to give up or follow through and endure.  Endurance is not the easiest route sometimes, but I will tell you it is the most rewarding option when you conquer yet another thing that you never thought you could, or would ever have to. 

I think when we were all in heaven and God was passing out trials for us to deal with on earth, I must of been a martyr of sorts.  Nobody wanted to deal with some of the things that were being handed out, and when nobody would own the adversity being offered; I must have felt bad--and I am guessing I must of kept raising my hand to take on those problems too.  So, whether I was a sucker for punishment in heaven, or whether I am actually being used to teach a lesson, learn a lesson, or all of the above...
I am in it for the ride.

I don't want to lead you to believe that my life sucks, because it doesn't.  My life has had so many wonderful moments that I have been able to seize and experience and I am very blessed. 

One early morning I was driving to work during a rain storm, I flipped on the radio to loose myself to music because I was in the mode of being sad, feeling sorry for my pathetic situation and circumstances and just wanted a diversion.  Instead it was not music that met my ears, it was the radio DJ which happened to be the morning family radio talk show/music host each morning.  He was talking about how sick he was of asking people how they were, and getting a response such as, "I don't feel good", "I wish I had more money", I never have enough time to get everything done" and other negative things that left him wishing he had never asked that question to start with.

He went on to talk about how nice it would be if everyone would just take 5 minutes at the start of each day to look at the wonders of the world. To appreciate something that they take for granted everyday; like the sunrise; the clouds, a flower, a tree or the sound of a baby crying because that represented life; and is a miracle in itself.

His morning sermon on being grateful for life, for challenges and for the little things was something that I will never forget.  The most important thing I learned that day has changed my attitude on everything; and little did I know how much that lesson would carry me through so many things; health issues from being diagnosed with heart problems then MS to dealing with teen issues. But the plague of death that hit our family was some of the darkest times I have had to face.  Starting with the death of my grandson, then my father in law, and then only 3 months later...the suicide of my oldest son followed by yet more death; my mother in law, my dear friend and my grandmother.  But what is hardest right now is all the baggage that has polluted our life as a result of our son's tragic suicide. 

What I learned is this: Look for a silver lining in EVERY situation. Find one good thing that came from it (or more if you can), and cling to that.  It will keep you from dwelling on the bad; it will give you hope and keep you positive in the most dire circumstance.  And if you look for the silver lining; no matter what it is you are dealing with; YOU WILL FIND IT!   I do promise you that.  So, as it is... I am always looking for my silver lining.  Even if it is the most minuscule thing.