Stephanie's Ballad: May 2011

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Last weekend, I received a very nice compliment. It came from my mother. Yeah, I know...Mom's do that. But this compliment meant a lot to me for a reason.

The compliment was that she wanted to submit me to be a "Poster Child" for Multiple Sclerosis.   I just laughed, because I had only called her to let her know our plans so somebody would be aware of where we were in case something were to happen to us. We were out riding our motorcycle and had planned a 6-7 hour ride that day and had stopped to grab a bite to eat.

But, she explained that she couldn't believe that I do all I do with MS; that I am always on the go and that I could help someone that was just told they have the disease by proving that MS doesn't have to debilitate you once you receive the diagnosis.   AHHHHH....wasn't that was so sweet?!

But the truth is, when I was diagnosed with MS in 2003 I thought life as I knew it was over. I worried that I would be in a wheelchair within a year or so, and that I was going to be a burden to those around me for the rest of my life. I cried and went through a terrible depression and struggled to come to grips with the pain that MS brings; not only physically but emotionally.

Since that day (the day before my birthday that year) that I was told ...."You have MS". I have tried to live my life as if I might be in a wheelchair in the near future, or that I might not be able to do the things I can do today. In a nutshell, I decided that life is too short to sit around and wait for the day I am doomed, so I decided to take control of my MS; so it doesn't control me.

I have since been skydiving, white water rafting, zip-lining in a jungle and have handled snakes (that was to prove to myself I could). I teach water aerobics (yes...even with MS). I am always on the 'go'. I am busy conquering my fears, overcoming my weaknesses and living my dreams that constitute the so-called "bucket list".

Life has a way of keeping us on our toes. If it isn't from the constant drama, (which is always in abundance in my life it seems) then it is from the constant change and need to stay on top of all the many things we obligate ourselves to do. LIFE is just busy. And, if we have a few spare minutes, we need to play, we need to relax or just stop to enjoy the moment.

The last few weeks have been crammed with projects we are doing in our home; some remodeling, moving rooms around and just trying to get re-organized, not to mention a whole bunch of emotional upsets we were given this past few weeks aka more drama! In between that , we flew to California to help our son move and watch their 2 young boys while they put things away and set up house. When we returned, we were welcomed back by more projects, yard work and a list of honey-do's.

BUT....guess what? We chose to set aside some time and we rode our motorcycle. WHY?   Because we can. Because we may not be here tomorrow, but the projects will be and they can wait a day.

There is nothing more exhilarating than taking time to enjoy what we have, what the world has to offer, and what God has created for us to explore. Take time to enjoy, if only for a moment. My moment was wonderful, and now as I sit here with a pile of papers to file, boxes of sewing equipment to put away, photos to frame so I can finish hanging the decor in my craft room; not to mention another batch of laundry that just finished drying I need to go fold, I choose to take another moment to write.

The moment may be different from that of wind in my face while I watch the clouds as I sit on the back of the motorcycle touring the back roads. But, it is my moment. A moment just for me.

Make a moment for yourself everyday. There are too many times we don't and wish we did. If it were not for my "moment's" I would not be the person who my mother thinks should be the poster child. I seize life now, more so because I have a son that lost it, and with MS I now have to fight for it.    LIFE IS GOOD.   Don't forget that when you are consumed by all the 'stuff'. It is only stuff, and that is the moment when you need to stop....and take your moment. :)

What is MS? And, yes I have it...

"MS" is short for Multiple Sclerosis. MS is a chronic and debilitating disease. MS is like an autoimmune disease, the body's immune system eats away at the protective sheath that covers your nerves in the brain and the spinal cord. The scarring caused by these attcks is called sclerosis. Because of the multiple attacks, the disease is named "multiple sclerosis". This disease interferes with the communication between your brain and the rest of your body. Ultimately, this may result in deterioration of the nerves themselves, a process that is not reversible. There is no cure for multiple sclerosis, and MS is typically progressive. However, treatments can help treat symptoms and attacks.

Some of the things I live with and others who have MS are:

Pain, Loss of Muscle Strength, Balance and Coordination Issues, Fatique, Sense of Touch- Numbness, Muscle Spasms, Eye-Sight Issues.

MS is not fun, but I have learned that regardless of what comes with this unpredictable disease; I will NOT let it get me down. Those who have MS have a motto:

I may have MS, but MS does not have me!

My Bucket List- So Far...

African Safari
Go to Europe (go figure I worked for the airlines for 13 yrs and never made it there)
Hike to the top of a Mountain Peak
Learn to Play Piano or Guitar
Live Dangerously, just to conquer fear
Run a 5K ( I have MS, so this is a challenge)
Save a Life (by making people aware of the tragic effects of suicide and making a difference)
See as much as I can of the Country I live in
See the Mediteranian
See the Mexican Ruins
Sky Diving
Water Rafting
Write a Book
Write MY story for a legacy to my kids and grandkids
Zip Line

My Crusade Against Suicide and Why...

The very worst thing a mother fears is to lose a child. Most especially to lose a child to an unexpected tragedy. Worse yet, is to know that the tragedy was self inflicted by your child and you had absolutely no idea how much your child was hurting, therefore had no way to help them or prevent it.

On June 2, 2009, every mothers worse fear became my reality. My husband and I had boarded a plane to California that morning to spend time with another son and his wife and 2 small boys as a family vacation. Our first stop was to be Disneyland. We had just landed, and headed to the hotel to check in. After checking in, our son and his family arrived and we all headed out on foot to the entrance of Disneyland; the happiest place on earth....so they say.

As we stood in line for our 2nd ride, my husband who was waiting with the baby while he slept received a phone call.
"The phone call". He received the news that our son had taken his life, he immediately called our son we were with and told him to get me out of line and please come see him; but not to tell me what it was as he knew I would fall apart.
I have MS, and stress is the number one trigger to an attack.

Once we got out of line, and seeing the white face of my son and his reaction I knew something was wrong... I just did not know how wrong. When my husband told me, I literally fell to the ground, a heap of a person who felt like the wind had been knocked out of me; and the denial that it couldn't be true--then the tears, realizing this must be a mistake. Our son would not ever do something like that... Would he?

I lost my first born child, my oldest son, to suicide. Something that only happens in movies, on tv or to other people. Now I was that person. A victim of what happens to those left behind. That is why I am adamantly going to fight to bring awareness to those I come into contact with...if only to save one life; it will help to know that my story isn't just a statistic. And I do it for my son, who I know in my heart deep down wanted to live, but got lost in despair and didn't know it was still a choice.

Stephanie's Ballad

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

My Crusade Against Suicide and Why...

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