Stephanie's Ballad: July 2011

Monday, July 18, 2011

I can't believe six weeks have passed since I dropped a few lines. I wonder sometimes how time can pass so quickly when I have so much going on and it seems I don't have time enough to barely come up for air before the next event in my life. Yet, there are days that time seems like forever and you wish and long for the next hour, next day and sometimes the next minute.

Time however is something we don't seem to enjoy enough. The time we spend doing the things we love, the things we sometimes hate and the things that we will never get the chance to do again. Time is precious. Time is a gift that we take for granted.

I have a 'bucket list' on the blog; a list of things and places that I hope to have time to accomplish and visit before I am either dead or can't do those things on that list anymore because of mobility etc. AND...I think everyone needs a 'bucket list'. Not so much to concentrate on impeding death one day, but to concentrate on LIFE and what opportunities are out there so YOU can truly experience life before it is too late.

My son passing away has certainly brought this lesson to the fore front and has taught me that life is too precious to waste, to delay and to compromise the things we want because of time, circumstances and or just being too tired. GOI Get Over It. Life will continue on, whether we choose our destiny or not. The time we waste thinking about those things will go by regardless of if we actually do them or only wish we did. So, the moral of my post today is.....Don't let time get away from you and dedicate some of your time to do something that you've always wanted to do. It doesn't have to be exotic, expensive or even that cool. It can be as simple as a picnic in the middle of a field enjoying the sunshine and all the dragonflies; something that I just did this weekend.

I plan to elaborate some of my bucket list items on the next post. The whats, whys and whens.

For now I challenge you to take a moment to enjoy life. There are plenty of moments that can make lasting memories. Make yours happen. :)

What is MS? And, yes I have it...

"MS" is short for Multiple Sclerosis. MS is a chronic and debilitating disease. MS is like an autoimmune disease, the body's immune system eats away at the protective sheath that covers your nerves in the brain and the spinal cord. The scarring caused by these attcks is called sclerosis. Because of the multiple attacks, the disease is named "multiple sclerosis". This disease interferes with the communication between your brain and the rest of your body. Ultimately, this may result in deterioration of the nerves themselves, a process that is not reversible. There is no cure for multiple sclerosis, and MS is typically progressive. However, treatments can help treat symptoms and attacks.

Some of the things I live with and others who have MS are:

Pain, Loss of Muscle Strength, Balance and Coordination Issues, Fatique, Sense of Touch- Numbness, Muscle Spasms, Eye-Sight Issues.

MS is not fun, but I have learned that regardless of what comes with this unpredictable disease; I will NOT let it get me down. Those who have MS have a motto:

I may have MS, but MS does not have me!

My Bucket List- So Far...

African Safari
Go to Europe (go figure I worked for the airlines for 13 yrs and never made it there)
Hike to the top of a Mountain Peak
Learn to Play Piano or Guitar
Live Dangerously, just to conquer fear
Run a 5K ( I have MS, so this is a challenge)
Save a Life (by making people aware of the tragic effects of suicide and making a difference)
See as much as I can of the Country I live in
See the Mediteranian
See the Mexican Ruins
Sky Diving
Water Rafting
Write a Book
Write MY story for a legacy to my kids and grandkids
Zip Line

My Crusade Against Suicide and Why...

The very worst thing a mother fears is to lose a child. Most especially to lose a child to an unexpected tragedy. Worse yet, is to know that the tragedy was self inflicted by your child and you had absolutely no idea how much your child was hurting, therefore had no way to help them or prevent it.

On June 2, 2009, every mothers worse fear became my reality. My husband and I had boarded a plane to California that morning to spend time with another son and his wife and 2 small boys as a family vacation. Our first stop was to be Disneyland. We had just landed, and headed to the hotel to check in. After checking in, our son and his family arrived and we all headed out on foot to the entrance of Disneyland; the happiest place on earth....so they say.

As we stood in line for our 2nd ride, my husband who was waiting with the baby while he slept received a phone call.
"The phone call". He received the news that our son had taken his life, he immediately called our son we were with and told him to get me out of line and please come see him; but not to tell me what it was as he knew I would fall apart.
I have MS, and stress is the number one trigger to an attack.

Once we got out of line, and seeing the white face of my son and his reaction I knew something was wrong... I just did not know how wrong. When my husband told me, I literally fell to the ground, a heap of a person who felt like the wind had been knocked out of me; and the denial that it couldn't be true--then the tears, realizing this must be a mistake. Our son would not ever do something like that... Would he?

I lost my first born child, my oldest son, to suicide. Something that only happens in movies, on tv or to other people. Now I was that person. A victim of what happens to those left behind. That is why I am adamantly going to fight to bring awareness to those I come into contact with...if only to save one life; it will help to know that my story isn't just a statistic. And I do it for my son, who I know in my heart deep down wanted to live, but got lost in despair and didn't know it was still a choice.

Stephanie's Ballad

Monday, July 18, 2011

My Crusade Against Suicide and Why...

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